Chasing A Childhood Dream

Seeking has been a constant state of mine. With the ups and downs of life, I've been waiting for life to rest again. Seeking to gaze into the grass and let my mind wonder. Seeking to witness the breaking shadows of the sun on wool carpets. The scents of citrus blossom filling the air I breathe. Looking at the clouds, birds flying in flocks while holding my cup of afternoon tea.

There’s something magical in these moments. An invitation: to let go and just be. To immerse and be content with our surroundings. To feel into the beingness of the soul and the dreams of our heart. A state of pure beingness with no suffering. I wonder: when we arrive to what we long for, do we see it as mundane and move on to the next thing? Is it possible that we strip away the sacredness and the joy from our life’s experiences? 

The immersion into life’s experiences has always been a dream of mine. I long for an afternoon where I wander in a secret garden or build a tree house. That’s how my childhood used to be. Time descends from my consciousness and I am left with that which is in front of me. Immersed in the doing while my whole being is in harmony and cooperation with the goal in mind. I could be trying out oil colors on a plain canvas for the first time. I could be pouring liquid wax into an animal shaped toy to create a candle. I could be brining three pieces of flat wood from the neighbor’s broken cabinet to create a table to write my homework on. Or sewing clothes for my beloved Sindy doll. Free flowing easy life. I did not realize how blessed I was. When we grow up, our life becomes the longing and seeking of these states. A blessed moment passes by and I realize that it’s not in the doing as much as in the being while creating is what counts. The question remains: how to ‘be’ while deactivating the active brain? Where can I access the gateway to pure ‘beingness’?

The need, the wonder and the awe, inspired me to be in my body and feel into the moment. Right now, everything is provided to us. There’s no need, no wonder and no tree to climb on. The joy of exploration and trying things out for the first time has somewhat became an outdated trend. We’ve seen enough from life that we’re not surprised anymore. We’re not grateful to what comes our way. In fact, we expect the good and ask for more.

In reality we are all blessed. The moments that pass by where our thoughts translate into words and actions carry so much potential for us to be happy and content. Do we actually deprive ourselves of these moments? Do we act on the sense of being unworthy? Or on the sadness we feel? What an irony. What we felt back then creates a barrier to joy. All the resources and talents available to us to create joy in the moment, yet we are stuck in the past. What stands in the way of our creative endeavors? What stops the wonder and awe? What stops the widening of our wondering eyes? The excitement of experiencing something new?

The wounded ego says: “I’ve figured this out before”, “been there, done that!”. What is it that will reengage our hearts? What is it that will bring us into the silence of our beingness? Is it a battle of fighting the wounded ego or could it be that we need to rise above it and just be? Is it to choose and intend to live in pure beingness? Can we float with our heart’s desires no matter what and where life takes us? To allow the impulses of the soul to lead? No plan, no intended outcome that will impress anyone. Only soul infusion in moments of pure beingness. That’s the decision we are all wanting to make. Nothing more and nothing less!


An invitation: Will you join me in choosing to be infused by your essence? Will you let the sun shine again? Will you engage with your shadows and move towards the light of the soul?


Action Item: Reflect on your soul’s most desired states of being. What do you long to feel? What would you like to experience in your daily life? Not when life becomes perfect, but here and now. What feelings do you long to bring about into your daily experience?


Request: Writing a book is a recent exploration that I thoroughly enjoyed. If you like what you’re reading, please help support the online launch announcement by clicking on the link below.  

Art work by Elena Katsyura